For many years I have asked God to heal me.  Now you may be surprised at that, but when I was a young teenager we discovered that I had a twisted spine.  The label the medical community puts on it is scoliosis...  For the most part it never really hindered me from doing what I wanted.  But, as time marches on, I have had to battle the effects of imbalanced muscles caused from the curve.  I have been through seasons of migraines, muscle spasms and chronic pain and each time God has healed me ... but not when I wanted Him to.

I have examined this from many angles, but today I was listening to someone that I admire greatly and who has much to say about this subject of healing.  Her name is Joni Eareckson Tada and she is a quadriplegic (she has a new audio-book that is being released and you can download the 1st hour of it free at https://christianaudio.com). Joni said something that surprised me, but that I can totally relate to.  She quoted Psalm 37:4 and said that as much as she desires to be free from the wheelchair and the present pain, she has a greater desire to know God & to grow in Him.  Joni is allowing God to work good in her despite (or is it, 'to spite') what the enemy has thrown her way.

My heart totally concurs.  I started to recall all of the times that I went up for prayer, with absolute faith to be healed (and each time in response to God's prompting for me to do so, I might add).  I have continually come away from each of those experiences with God answering a deeper need, a greater need every time.  My back is still curved.  He eventually healed me from the migraines & spasms.  But again, my back is still curved.

My greatest quest in life is not to have a straight back, although I won't argue if it comes.  My greatest quest is to know God's peace, to really trust Him, to have His mind, to be so intertwined with His presence that I am truly one with Him.  My 2nd greatest desire would be to reflect & wear Him well to my family... and to you.

I'll stop here.  If you are in a hard place, trust God to deliver you.  If He does not alleviate your physical circumstances, trust Him.  Do not let the enemy gain control of your mind & your spirit. 

• Take charge (guard) of your heart PROVERBS 4:23. 
• Submit to God and rebuke the enemy JAMES 4:7.
• Delight yourself in the Lord.  Worship Him.  Trust Him.  He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.  He loves you. LAMENTATIONS 3:22-24
  
• Allow Him to work His purposes out in your life. PSALM 57:2
  

I am praying for you.

Look at what it says:
Moses said to Pharaoh, "I leave to you the honor of setting the time for me to pray ... to be rid of the frogs...
"Tomorrow," Pharaoh said.

What?!  Apparently, the frogs were everywhere; in their beds, their kitchens, their hair...  Well, God did say that they would go up on them :)  Why would he be so ridiculous?  Why wouldn't he have said, "Right now"?

Anyway, this word 'tomorrow' has been intriguing me lately.  Maybe it's just me, but I find that I am either putting off what I should do today or thinking (worrying) too much about tomorrow.  Sounding familiar anyone out there??

The thought occurred to me that maybe if I really learned how to do today, I'd be right where I am supposed to be... tomorrow. 

Find peace today, my friend.  Trust God with tomorrow.  It'll be a today soon enough...

As I was reading along, it struck me... guilt produces fear!  Does that seem right out of the blue?  Think about it.  Years earlier Jacob had run from his brother Esau because, well, Esau wanted to kill him.  It was probably a good thing that he ran; but he ran with the guilt of why his brother wanted his life.  Jacob had deceived him & essentially robbed everything from him.  Jacob's actions didn't produce remorse, they produced fear and fear flees.

Now, in chapter 31, Jacob is faced with another relational issue, this time with Laban.  The difference here is that this circumstance was probably not Jacob's fault.  God tells Jacob to leave and go back to his homeland.  Jacob obeys... but he obeys with fear operating.  Instead of leaving with confidence in the care of God, he fears the worst reaction that Laban might possibly throw and tries to sneak away.  It's funny to me how he thought he could do this without being noticed (all the flocks & herds & wives & kids :).  Anyway, Laban asks Jacob why he did this and Jacob's response was this, "Because I was afraid, for I said, ‘Perhaps you would take your daughters from me by force.' " (Genesis 31:31)

Fear can sound quite noble.  Fear tries to mimic wisdom.

BUT, there is a difference!  Wisdom and fear cannot operate in peace together.  Both are masters, and both will compete for control.  Wisdom is sound and confident, daring and peaceful all at the same time.  Fear is irrational and anxious and extremely short sited.

Here's the lesson I learned today from Jacob:

1. God honours an obedient heart, even if we do things afraid.  Now I may sound as though I am contradicting myself, but to me this is the struggle that Paul talks about in Romans 7.  I personally have decided that fear will not win in my life.  It is a strong force and must be battled whenever it raises it's ugly thoughts against God's.  (see 1 Samuel 15:22, 2 Corinthians 10:5)
   
2. Guilt produces fear.  If you are carrying guilt for something, take the time today to let it go.  Repent before God and, if possible to whomever you offended and release the situation to God. (1 John 1:9)
   
3. Don't allow your past to control today.  Stop running from your past.  Face it.  Deal with it.  Ask God for the courage to do so and for wisdom.  He'll lead you because He wants to.  (Romans 2:4)
4. Run with Wisdom.
   

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.."  Ephesians 1:17

Train me, God, to walk straight;
then I'll follow your true path.
Put me together, one heart and mind;
then, undivided, I'll worship in joyful fear.
From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord;
I've never kept secret what you're up to.
You've always been great toward me—what love! 
You snatched me from the brink of disaster!
   God, these bullies have reared their heads!  A gang of thugs is after me—
      and they don't care a thing about you.  But you, O God, are both tender and kind,
      not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit.
   So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on,
      save your dear, dear child!  Make a show of how much you love me
      so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed,
   As you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet.
Psalm 86:11-17 MSG

Have you ever wanted to run?  I have many times and I must say, the times that I gave in to the urge did not prove to be profitable!

The book of Ruth opens with this type of dilemma. We read of a family that left home, but more than that, they left the covering of God that was over that home.  Judah was a land established by God through Abraham.  (Times of famine usually occured due to disobedience, but they always remained under the promise of covenant that God established with Abraham.  God always turned things around when they came to Him in repentance.)  Anyway, Elimilech & his family left Judah and went to Moab.  Moab was a nation that descended from Lot's son; a son that was born to him through his daughter.  Yup, that's what I said.  (see Genesis 19:30-38)  Are you getting the picture?

God plants, establishes and promises to take care of His own.  We are to trust Him in the place that He leads us.  He will make good on His Word.  I can't help but think of Job here, when he cried out...

"Even though He (God) slay me, yet will I trust Him." (Job 13:15)  In other words, no matter what God allows to come across my path I will trust, wait for, hope in and expect His deliverance & provision.

I want to live with that same determination; a tenasity that stays where God places me, expecting His provision and blessing no matter what is all around me.  I want to live with a confident trust that God will take care of me and my family because He said He would.  I thank God for the examples He gives us in scripture; examples of those who just 'got it' as well of those who learnt to 'get it'. 

I'll end with something that I heard recently in a sermon from Peter Reid:

"It is my privilege and prerogative to:
GO where I'm sent,
STAY where I'm put,
DO what I'm told,
REPEAT what I've heard and then,
LEAVE when I'm done...
AND God chooses that moment; not me."

Isn't this amazing!  This word wasn't used by God to mock or shame Israel, but to purposely prophesy & affirm that He had chosen them to be the very lineage of Jesus.

Take time to ponder this passage.  Jesus has laid His life down, shed His crimson blood for us to have life now & forever.  He protects us (Psalm 36:7), died for us (John 12:24), shed His blood for us (Colossians 1:19-21)and now lives again through us (Colossians 1:26-28).

What a wonderful Saviour!   What incredible love...

"Do you feel like a lowly worm, Jacob? Don't be afraid. Feel like a fragile insect, Israel? I'll help you. I, GOD, want to reassure you. The God who buys you back, The Holy of Israel."  Isaiah 41:14 MSG