Life was going along quite well and our international adventures started to begin!
Within a couple of months of being married, we left Canada and went to live in Israel for a period of 7 months. After learning that I was pregnant (and embarrassed to be so, ‘cause then everyone would know what we were doing! OK, I admit it ... I was green!), we came home and settled in. Bruce was a carpenter by trade and soon found work. I stayed home with the new baby... and then had 3 more over the next 6 years! The moving patterns also continued as we relocated 3 more times.
It was probably sometime after having our 1st baby that the Lord started to reveal something to me. Bruce would frequently tell me how beautiful I was... and I would just as frequently laugh and thank him; for after all, he was entitled to his own opinion. One morning, it occurred to me that I was insulting him when I laughed but regardless, I could not shake the negative feelings that I had about myself. You see, in all my growing up years I didn't have any recollection of my dad telling me that I was pretty. I seemed to gain more approval from him if I went out with my brothers (I was sandwiched between the 2 of them in age) and doing what they did best. I became very good at sports, didn’t like wearing skirts (still don’t :), and just became a bit of a tom-boy. I don’t think I even started wearing makeup until I was in my mid 20’s... sorry Bruce.
Now, just so you get the complete picture here; I really liked doing a lot of the things that my brothers did! I had fun playing street hockey and beating my older brother in basketball -- I loved sports & adventure, so it never occurred to me that anything was lacking. I had a lot of great times.
So, as you can appreciate; this whole 'beautiful woman' thing really caught me off guard. I was used to compliments about music, creativity, sports and even ministry & leadership skills. But I was not used to 'pretty' talk. I realized again, that this was an area that I lacked self worth.
God is so good! He not only gave me an amazing husband who was consistently building me up & honouring me, but also gave me a great opportunity with my dad where I was able to discuss some of these things in private with him. Dad was so surprised at the impact of what was missed and so incredibly sorry, ensuring me that he always thought I was beautiful but didn't know how to express it for fear his little girl would get proud. I can't tell you how important this moment was for me! I think that something in dad's little girl was finally able to grow up. I also thank God for Bruce, who has always loved me for who I am and through the years, has made me a better and more confident person. I am closer to seeing things from God's view than ever...
You may be someone who can relate to this journey.
I realize, as time goes on, that God is always wooing us to His point of view. He wants us to see what He sees, not just in others, but in ourselves as well. He simply loves us.
Here are a couple of scriptures that I will leave with you today. They have meant so much to me personally:
The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17
The King is enthralled with your beauty. You can trust Him with you.