Turning Point

As I entered into puberty, I also started at another new school.  Dad had moved our family to the country.  The bonus for me in this move was that we got a horse.  I learned how to ride and went out (on Johnny) on a daily basis.  This new school was probably the hardest for me to adjust to as I was teased a lot by some of the other girls.  I became very self conscious of my changing body; and fear increased. 

We were only there a year and then moved back to the city and yet another new school.  With each move, my pursuit of pleasing others grew to a point that I was getting dangerously close to just doing whatever my friends were getting into.  I was entering into grade 7.

I think the turning point for me growing up was the summer following grade 9.  Dad was asked to be the administrator for a new TV program called, “100 Huntley Street”.  Although this meant that we had to move yet again (and really at one of the worst times in a kids life as I was a teenager), I remember watching something change in my dad.  He started praying more and fasting and just taking a more obvious interest in God.  My dad’s whole focus turned to the Lord, and that is where it remained.  

This move was pivotal for me personally too, as it allowed me a 2nd chance at being an authentic Christian in high school and also brought me to where I would meet my future husband.  Up until this point I had been slowly succumbing to the pressure of my friends to get involved in the party life that they were involved in.  I had been holding out on them, but by the end of grade 9, my will power was caving.

The last day of my grade 9 year stands out to me. To really appreciate this, you have to understand that I was really a 'good girl' in school.  I know, I know, I was probably the kind of kid that made you sick! :) I didn't skip classes, got decent grades, was first string on the basketball team and didn't go to dances and parties.  But in all of this something was screaming inside of me because I was feeling mocked and wanted so desperately to fit it.  The fear of rejection happening yet again always hovered in my peripheral view.  I hung around with a decent group of friends, but was always feeling somewhat on the outside because I wasn't involved in their weekend lifestyles.  So, on this last day of classes, I just took a deep breath and fearfully threw out my convictions.

We first left the school and went to a local park, looking for excitement (trouble).  I don't remember how long we were there for, but I do recall a car pulling up with a couple of college age guys in it, asking us if we wanted a ride.  We were in such a crazy mood that we hopped in not knowing where they were taking us.  I remember feeling scared, but acting tough & carefree.

They took us to a conservation area where there was a large bush party going on.  I saw a lot of kids from school there.  They were drunk and things were really out of control.  All of a sudden there was panic everywhere!  Someone yelled that the police were raiding and then I saw one of my girlfriends (from church) being tossed into the bushes so the cops wouldn't find her.  She was so drunk that she had no idea what was going on.  It was at this point that a light went on inside of me.  I could not believe that I had allowed myself to get to this place and I turned and ran, just wanting somehow to get home. This incident scared me so much.  I knew that I was riding a fine line emotionally and that I needed God to intervene.  And that's just what He did...

We moved that summer. There I was stuck in another new city, new school and new church... only this time, I was grateful.  I felt like I was being rescued and offered another chance to make things right.  In retrospect, I believe that God spared me from a lot of heartache.

God is so faithful and knows the cry of our heart.  He knows our limitations and just how much we can handle.  We may do things that we do not want to do, but it is the heart that He sees.  He sees the regret, the brokenness, the repentance.  He hears the cry for help and He helps.

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.  ~Psalm 51:17