Fortitude.

It's amazing to me how I can now be so fed and motivated by the Psalms whereas a few years ago, I did not have the fortitude to read them.

I've been taking the time to read through the book of Psalms again.  In all honesty, it has been a very long time since I did this.  I mean, I read a Psalm here or there among other things, but I have not journeyed through the whole book now for quite some time.

Today, as I was reading chapter 37, I recalled the struggle of a few years ago.  It was after my dad died.  The very last thing that my dad said in his right mind was, "The Lord is my Shepherd ... what more is there to say!"  From there he went into 3 open heart surgeries (in the span of 4 days!), months of struggling to heal, heavy depression and subsequent suicide...

An anger toward God's seemingly lack of 'shepherding' built up in me to the point that I could not even digest the words of the psalmists.  Today, over 12 years later, as I began to read Psalm 37.

"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun."

My mind wandered...  The thought flipped through my head, "Wow, anger is really damaging.  It distorts truth and works in a kind of short-sited, fast judgment sort of way.  I was so wrong in my thinking when I was angry!"

Then my mind went back to Psalm 37 and I continued reading: 

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil."

Ha!  Isn't God funny!  He confirmed my thoughts without me even looking for it!! 

(read the rest of the story here to finish chapter 37)

God has answered my prayer.  He has given me fortitude again to read His word and to believe and trust Him. He can do that for you too.  If you haven't allowed your eyes to drink from God's word lately, pick it up.  His cup is really full of good stuff!